How Reflection Helps Us Support and Empower Others

In this episode, we embark on a journey of reflection, challenging the assumptions we hold about others and exploring the opportunities to be more attuned and supportive leaders. Through personal reflections from a recent family trip, Dr. Haskins shares insights into how our beliefs and actions can either enable or unintentionally hold others back. And how engaging in reflective practice, by questioning our assumptions and challenging our beliefs, we open the door to becoming more empathetic, understanding, and inclusive leaders. 

Transcript

Hi, everyone. I'm thrilled to have you join me today on this special episode, where I share my reflections as a mom, a doctor, and someone who believes in the power of reflective practice. Some of you may know if you read my Diverse Minds at Work newsletter that I recently had the chance to take a vacation with my family to the breathtaking Florida Keys and surrounding areas. Some of you may know from my Diverse Minds at Work newsletter that my family and I recently took a vacation to the breathtaking Florida Keys and surrounding areas. We've been going on this trip for the past eight years, often exploring the same places and taking pictures in familiar spots. Each year, I can't help but notice how much my children and family are growing and changing.

And it's during these precious moments, when I'm surrounded by nature and away from the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives of work and school, that I appreciate the importance of pausing and reflecting.  It's not just about reflecting on your own journey as a leader but also recognizing the development and growth of your family, children, and employees. There are opportunities for them to truly blossom on their own as they become more autonomous and skilled individuals.

You know, we rarely take the time to pause and reflect and really appreciate the journey we're on and more so recognize how far we've come, but let me tell you that reflection is not just it's not a luxury. It's really a necessity for our well-being and mindfulness in our own personal growth. 

When I think about leaders and diversity advocates striving to improve the lives of employees, support talent, and foster inclusivity, reflection becomes the key that unlocks our ability to connect, understand, and support others better. 

Through reflection, we become more self-aware of our thoughts, our actions, and the impact we have on those around us. We can identify where we might unintentionally hold people back and understand when they need support, guidance, or the freedom to flourish on their own.

And we need to be cautious not to let our preconceived notions or biases from past experiences hinder someone's full potential. Reflection allows us to gain a deeper understanding of our strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement. It's like putting on a pair of glasses or sunglasses that help us see the world through a different lens, enabling us to connect not only with our current reality but also with the attitudes and thinking behind our actions.

And so, you know, when I think about my sons and our many family trips, I can see how our experiences have changed in alignment with their maturity and growth. There was a time when my husband and I had to be extra vigilant, guarding the boys as we strolled through the bustling streets of Key West, fearing they might unknowingly wander into the traffic or encounter potential danger. Now, years later, they've sprouted taller than me and taken on the role of protectors, ensuring my safety as we explore. I no longer fret over them meandering into the streets or being snatched away. This natural progression in parenthood led me to reflect on how we perceive the capabilities and potential of others. And how we must exercise caution in allowing past needs to define someone's worth or restrict their future possibilities.

And these reflections extend being a parent. They also apply to leadership and helping others. For example: Our family has always enjoyed kayaking and exploring different waterways together. However, when we went out into the waterways, we always tethered the boys' kayaks to our own, with a parent leading the way while they followed along. In the early years, this arrangement was effortless, as being the lead paddler came naturally to me, and they happily coasted along.

But as time went on and the boys grew older, I began to feel the strain of being the lead paddler, especially when dealing with currents or winds. Their increasing size and strength made it more challenging for me to navigate ahead. I realized that it was crucial for them to develop their own paddling skills and build their capacity to take on a more active role. However, concerns nagged at me – would they have the strength and know-how to paddle against strong currents if need be? And would I be able to keep up and assist them if they got too far ahead? As I aged, I became more aware of my declining strength, while they blossomed into young men.

Finally, this year, I presented them with a choice. Did they want to embark on this kayaking adventure on their own? Though the tether was still in my kayak, it was no longer attached to theirs. I had a safety mechanism in place, just in case. However, what transpired amazed me beyond expectations. My boys demonstrated not only proficiency but also the strength to kayak independently, surpassing my own abilities. It was a profound realization for me. Until then, my experience with kayaking with my sons had always revolved around me leading and guiding them. I had grown accustomed to the idea that I had to pull them along. Yet, reflection prompted me to pause and acknowledge that they had outgrown that need. In fact, they were now capable of leading and perhaps even pulling me along if necessary. It was a humbling, proud, and eye-opening moment.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson about our perceptions of others, particularly those with disabilities or individuals who require guidance and support. We must be cautious not to adopt an ableist mindset that assumes past needs for assistance will persist indefinitely. It is crucial to engage in open dialogue and genuinely assess each person's abilities and potential. This is where reflection becomes so significant. Reflective practice isn't about conforming to societal norms or measuring others against our own ideals. Instead, it involves embracing and celebrating the unique strengths, values, and capabilities of everyone, allowing their actions to guide us.

And I've talked before that we don't need to fit into predetermined checklists to determine our worth and other people's capabilities. But we do need to sometimes pause and think and recognize the growth of others. Because a lot of times I think leaders get stuck in this trap. 

We need to be cognizant as to whether we are hindering our employees and limiting their future prospects based on their current role. What if they return to school and earn a certificate, a master’s degree, or maybe even their doctorate.  Are you going to limit their next role and pay based on the job they had to pay their way through school?  And so, this is why we need to think about how we think of others and determine if you are really supporting people for where they are, not what you think they are or should be.

And these ideas are particularly relevant to neurodiversity and autism inclusion. Reflective practice plays a crucial role in promoting understanding, empathy, and awareness of biases or assumptions that hinder the acceptance of neurodivergent individuals. Through reflection, we become aware of our own misconceptions, biases, and areas for growth. We can become aware of our blindspots and potentially ableist thoughts. We can recognize whether we are normalizing behaviors and beliefs that may hinder the inclusion of neurodivergent people. Most importantly, reflection allows us to shift our focus from trying to "fix" or change individuals to embracing and accommodating their unique strengths and perspectives. It will help you open up your mind and your practices to potential opportunities where you can foster a better sense of belonging and increase empowerment for your team. 

And if we can improve our interactions and how we support individuals with autism and other neuro divergences, we can then begin to really identify the areas where we may be able to adjust how we lead, how we communicate, and how we construct our environments. We can determine if we are micromanaging or helicopter parenting and why – and how we could shift our style to more guided support – or just trust our people and let go to allow them to try and thrive on their own.  An environment where we are focused more on Person-Centered approaches where we seek to build structures that increase autonomy that, support motivation and incorporate preferences and meet people where they are. 

And it is this type of thinking and reflective practice that is required to dismantle ableism and biased thought - ultimately promoting inclusion. 

So as a leader, we need to be taking a pause and really evaluating our efforts. When we do this, we will become better allies and advocates, and we will be able to amplify the voices of autistic, neurodivergent, and disabled individuals because we will actually be integrating and communicating with those individuals to understand their lived experiences and needs. And then, when we change this narrative, and you shift towards a more person-centric inclusive society, then you really start to be able to embrace and celebrate the talents and contributions of diversity and thought and diversity in action and diversity and ability. 

And that increases understanding and inclusivity. So we want to challenge societal norms, and we need to pause to actually see where these opportunities may be. We don't all have to run off to Key West and sit in a kayak to determine that there's an opportunity in terms of how we engage others and support them better to be more productive, independent, and autonomous individuals. 

It really just starts with carving out some dedicated time to think to reflect, on our journeys and taking the time to connect with others to get feedback on their needs an goals. When you have these conversations, really listen. If you are hesitant on something they want – especially if it means letting go of control or safeguards, reflect on what is driving that feeling. Determine if it is a past belief or experience that is forming that opinion, and work in partnership to find ways to help provide the independence needed for others to realize their goals too. The investment in yourself as a leader is just as important as focusing on the grown of our loved ones, and our interactions with others in life and the workplace. The process can be transformative. But more so – it brings clarity and opens doors to deeper understanding, empathy, and better support for individual journeys.